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.:20 years old and a week:.
 It's a whole new beginning. It's just unbelievable that my 19th year is over. It has just flown by so fast. Compared to a year ago, I am now in a different city. No, even a different continent. Miles from where I was back then.
So, exactly at 12 midnight on the 3rd of November, Wawa actually woke me up. "Nisa, it's black out! But I need to go to the loo." Totally having no clue whatsoever (come on! How on earth could I expect something when we were just housemates for only a month now! Baik wah durang ah!) And when we got down, Thirah and Farah were already with the cake in their hands. HAHAHA The funny thing was I actually noticed that the light on my laptop was still switched on despite Wawa claiming that the electricity was down.
Then yea. That was actually the first time I got really surprised. Back at home, it was like you know there would be something if you're waken up in the middle of the night. So, I was one heck of a happy girl that day. =)))))
Owh and before that, my family back at home had already greeted me, ie. singing the birthday song apa on skype. Exactly 12 am in Brunei which was around 4 here. I know you would've have pictured what happened time atu. HAHAHA It's just hard embracing the older you when you know there wont be the traditional going out dinner that very day. We often take this thing for granted. We'll be like "okay, nada hadiah. Makan luar tah saja.... again". But then, it is one of those little yet precious moments that every single of us should always cherish. To hear this, be sure to put Michael Buble on pause first =)
Undoubtly the best gift ever, this was his first ever attempt in playing guitar. Though the melody was a little bit slow, that was what made this thing even much better. It's really pure. =') Seeing this made me cry though because I felt like I missed so much thing since I left home.
On the same evening, most of the postgraduates, together with their family, brought food and all. A small gathering, in fact, but nonetheless, enough to make me smile from ear to ear. Belle said "See! You're loved!" Indeed, I am. =')
Looking back, sometimes it felt like a dream. I've lived the past 19 years in a sort of a roller coaster. There were lots of ups and downs. I got terrified of the fact of falling hard so many times. I've countlessly thought of ending the ride. Nevertheless, I'm glad I chose to hang on, threw my hands in the air and continued. Look where it brought me. I just cant thank Allah enough for the 19 wonderful years I've had. I'm blessed with truly amazing people. Who are always willing to stand aside me regardless how many sharp turns the roller coaster made. Writing this makes me shed tears. I wont deny the fact that I couldnt control my feelings whenever the image of home struck me. I just miss them so much. The people that I've spent my 19 years with. They are the reason why I am here. The reason why I am who I am now. Every night, I would rewind all the moments we share together. Regretting the times where we had arguments and wont talk to each other. Though we hardly not talk with one another for a long time, every single second of that, now, seemed to count. This is actually my main reason why I'm coming home this December. I want to reimbuse all the time I've wasted. I just thought I didnt spend the eight months break time properly. I was just too busy with other stuff, juggling in between work at BAG and tuition school, driving here and there, looking for online clothing stores. Im not saying I regretted working though. That was my source of income which helped me to buy that 60 kg stuff I brought here. That was the point! I spent the last months in Brunei, doing stuff that I can do in UK instead.
Sometimes, I envy my friends in Brunei. They're able to kiss their parent's hands whenever they go to classes. They will still have their little brother and sisters around to disturb them in the midst of doing assignments.
I used to get fed up. Fed up of all the voices interfering while I was busy doing my thing. Now, how I wish my mom would call my name to give her a massage. How I wish my dad would remind me to perform my prayer from now and then. How I wish I would hear adik's laugh whenever I do my usual weird faces tricks that she love so much. How I wish baby would come up and ask me to complete her art homework which would be submitted tomorrow. How I wish awang would tell me not to be late if I were to pick him up from school later. But I know, all these wont happened. At least, not a month from now. I'm soaking wet now. I hope the girls wont be able to listen.
Nonetheless, there's just no regrets. This distance strengthens our bonds even more. Anyhow, I like my song now. Michael Buble perfectly illustrates my feeling now.
My flight's on the 14th December. Till then, I'll never let go of this baju of yours, mama. *hugs*Labels: UK
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.:Lancaster, finally.:.
As ironic as it might sound (i know this is like my 5th week in UK), I feel like I've just started to experience the uni life. This just came to my realisation, when the lecturer announced that I have an essay due next week, on the 9th to be precise. (The date is kira kes self reminder lah tu)
Ugh!
And owh before that, I think there's a need for me to actually outline how my course is structured. Just for the sake to ease and not confuse the readers since I will endlessly be talking about my course from now onwards. HEHE
Anyhow, yes, Im taking Management and Organisation (Human Resource Management) *phew~ takes a deep breath* but then, here in Lancaster, we're actually told to take another two subjects on top of that. They act like some sort of minor subjects. The purpose was actually to allow the students to have a structured course of study while still having the freedom to undertake courses that meet their interests.
Im taking Psychology and Sociology as the Part 1 subjects (it's how they call it). So it feels like A Levels again. =)
As of now, my interest seems to be more inclined to the part 1 subjects. =_= I think it's because of the heavy, complicated, irrelevant (yes, sometimes i do think so!!) contents that we're dealing with now in Human Resource. It's a relief to know that we're going to do more management related stuff next week.
Owh owh I skipped a lecture last Monday. XP No specific reasons but I just did. Macam cool ada jua rasanya. HAHA Though I sensed no regrets, I felt left out. Deep inside, I kept on questioning myself whether I had missed any important information that would disadvantage me in comparison to the others. But then, nah~~
It's just 6 pm now. And it looked like it's already midnight. =_= We had this daylight saving thing last week where we needed to reset the clock to an hour earlier. And since then, the nights are just loooonngggg. Like berabis!!! I reckon, it's not a good thing. Coz really, I just dont study at night. The only time I am really determined to open the books and actually read the texts is when the sun shines. This post is just going to prove my point. I have a sociology essay to be handed in by next week on Gender and here I am. Great~
Then then, I also have this 500 words essay to be peer reviewed by Tuesday. Another 1000 words psychology essay due by the end of November and another one for Human Resource by the end of the term. Okay. Stating them just dont do any good for me. Compared to the others, I could still be considered assignment-less. HAHA But still ;_______;
I received a really good news this morning. Apparently Lancaster is giving out a 1000 pounds award for those who got straight As in the A Levels and therefore, Im eligible for it. YAAAAYYYY But then, it will be deducted from the tuition fees. So that was the downside of it. Im trying to chase the Management School now if there is an alternative option. ie. giving it in cash maybe? XD
Btw, halloween's coming soon. People have started to dress pretty weird. Last night alone, I met a chef, two skeletons, a farmer and even a Catwoman on my way home. T_T And there's a carnage festival tonight in town. At first, we were clueless on what carnage means. So, we decided to searched for it in the english-malay dictionary. And guess what it stated "pembunuhan beramai-ramai". Apalagi, we freaked out lah before actually making sense of it. So tonight, we might be squeezing ourselves to tidur sebilik. XP
This afternoon, my Hong Kong coursemate, Cherry showed me her black widow's costume when I visited her room. HAHA And together with that, she even bought a skull which she would carry in her hands. Cali! HAHA I wonder what I would be if we were destined to have a halloween. Wonder woman? But then, a wonder woman would demand a wonder body. Which reminds me of the weight scale I finally found in Cherry's room. and the fact that I gained weight - no more doubts. =____________=
Im blaming the winter for that.
On another note, being away from the family is still unbearable sometimes but I'm beginning to appreciate Lancaster. Day by day, I'm beginning to see the reasons behind everything. Particularly, why am I here. Allah is actually giving me an opportunity for self betterment. Inside and out. So, it's all good.
Besides, my housemates are just really great.
 They're pretty much the reflection of my old self. I havent been the complete me from the day I first arrived in UK. To be frank, I miss expressing myself freely like I did at home. Maybe it's because I dont feel like I'm home yet. Sometimes, there's just too many whites. Too much orange leaves. Too many buses. But, I shall try. Life isnt life if it's not challenging. And we wont be having the most out of life if we continue to experience the same thing all over again. Aint that just the hurtful truth? =') Labels: UK
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.:With love from Wamee's room in Loughborough:.
The clock in this lappy is still set to Brunei's time and therefore, it's exactly 7.01 AM in Brunei now.
It was such a busy day today. Busy means good. I like being busy here. At least, I will be occupied and wont be surfing Air Asia looking for cheap fares to go home, every milisecond. =_=
I just closed my Skype window dengan si Belle. We were watching these make up tutorials in youtube. It's just so amazing that the girl in the video can change how she looks in just 10 minutes. A complete transformation wah. Maybe I'll experiment them soon. On a random note, it seems like I've developed a new routine. Afternoon is family Skype time while evening is with belle Skype time. I like. =D
Owh, my family was having some sort of a small doa selamat thing back at home and so, most of the closest relatives were there. And yes, it was another i-cant-help-it-but-cry moments. HAHA My grandma looked cute with the headset around her head. Macam glamour wah. Aku suka.
UK has been treating me well lately. The homesickness begins to fade away. Besides, talking to Belle really helped to lift my spirit. I just cant help but agree when she said that this is what we've been praying for. This is what we've asked our parents to pray for. And therefore, why do we have to let this I-want-to-be-at-home-and-not-in-UK feeling invade our minds? Come to think of it, it is sooooooo true. Rather than locking myself up in the room, I might as well make sure the three years will be worth the thirteen years (or more) of prayers.
I'm planning to meet more people. Or at least im planning to make myself brave enough to talk to people. It's just so scary when you're very different from everybody else. But then, when I told my mom about the insecurities I felt due to being so different, she replied brilliantly. "You should feel proud instead because you are representing all of us. It is a proof that you have the capabilities to be in the same room with them. Listening to the same lectures and taking the same notes. Maybe at this point in time, they are the ones who are feeling insecure seeing how different you are!" *nods with agreement* It immediately swept away all my misery. Semangat pulang ku kan ke lecture to show that mama is right. HAHA
Anyhow, the weather here is just getting colder. Winter is approaching and I heard it will be here by the end of the month. And so, knowing that, I've bought myself a white fluffy coat at Primark this afternoon. *pats self* Wamee was looking for some heels for the Loughborough Raya celebration this Sunday arah Dorothy Perkins and there was this metallic pink heels that just caught our eyes. Lawa!!! Dirah wanted to buy it in the first place and decided to try it on. Then, macam it was meant for me berabis that the heels were just too big for her feet. 0=) Not sure when Im gonna wear it but hey, it's mine now for just 8 pounds!!! *biggest smile*
   *who can resist that, right?!*
Im going back to Lancaster by the end of the week and Wawa texted me telling that we will be going to another Malaysian named Kak Nita's open house by that afternoon itself. Im still thinking of what to wear coz the baju raya that I brought with me macam glamour wah. It suits that BSU raya celebration more (especially now considering that it's going to be on a cruise). Tapi bila fikir2kan, it's just way too expensive. Plus, the cost of getting a train to London is just too high. And I have no one to go with. =(
Someone is knocking the neighbour's door now. Macam memajal and bising. =_=" But then, when I look down and see my really cute and only 6 pounds zebra PJ, aku tercalm down tarus. HAHA It makes me really want to sleep in it now.
 Chow tah ku dulu tu ertinya. Love you to the max, family. Do wait for me there. =)Labels: UK
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.:First post way from UK:.
 I think most of you would have known by now that I've experienced the roughest 10 days I ever had in my entire-almost-20-years life. Being away from family is just not as easy as I thought. Especially once I stepped on the Lancaster land, the homesickness is just indescribable. Isolation and loneliness were the first things that came to my mind.
But yeah, I believe that in order to get something, we have to sacrifice. Though I couldnt find any Bruneian here, the Malaysians are just so welcoming. They treated me as if I am part of them. It does help I must say.
Im not going to go into details on how I survived the 10 days. All I can say is throughout the first week here, I've been travelling here and there and not to exaggerate, I've went into 6 different states. HAHA yes, all in a week. =_= homesick punya pasal. To name them : London (obviously), Bradford, Preston, Lancaster, Nottingham and Loughborough.
And and unexpectedly, I havent shop much. (YES, I AM SHOCKED AS WELL!!!!) I spent most of my allowances on simply travelling back and forth. But hey, it's all worth it. Im starting my course soon. Going to have fun while I am in Loughborough still. Owh owh yes, Im with Wamee and friends di Loughborough now. =D
Actually looking back, throughout the 10 roughest days, I've met a lot of helpful people. I just feel so loved. =') I've continuously received tremendous amount of support, not to mention all the prayers and advice people posted on my FB wall. Plus, being so far away from family teaches me that they're the most important people in my life. Just no more doubts about that. We may have arguments. We may have said harsh things to each other. We may have made them cry. But they're the ones who will always have our backs regardless of the thousand miles that are separating us.
"I miss my talking partner" - Mom
And yes, this distance also teaches my mom that she does need me. =) Nah, yatah nda mau aku hug time di Brunei!!
So, remember I was saying that I plan to go to Paris during the Christmas break? For now, I think that might change. Brunei may just be the destination to be. =') Labels: UK
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.:This feeling's just getting deeper:.
Hello world.
Time really flies these days. I went for laptop hunting this afternoon. This salesman actually asked me when I'm flying off and my answer was actually "24th next month". It doesnt come to my realisation that it is already September now. Or maybe it's my unconcious side that is trying not to remind me of that sad fact. ='(
Sometimes, I would go to the corner of the room, just to cry. Packing was the hardest I must say. That simple action would easily bring tears to my eyes. It's funny that I'm leaving this heaven on earth that is so familiar to me and venturing into a whole new different world which is so strange, knowing absolutely nothing on what it will offer me. *wipes tears* But I know, this is for a good cause. So, I'll just hang in here.
On a happier note, I have a new addiction. Cant believe I would say this but Im addicted to a malay drama series. Yes, let me stress that again - MALAY. Not korean, not japanese, not taiwanese but MALAY. HAHA Bah, you get what I mean. It's aired every Friday at 9 pm. I've missed 14 episodes actually but hard work did pay off. It has been my daily activity now to download every single episode that I can find. HAHA
The story was actually revolving around the lives of two very distinct brothers. It was not 100% based on love theme, so, that alone gained itself one point. It's also not about greedy, two-faced people who are willing to do anything just to be rich. Another point for that. It really is good. Sal, if you read this, baik tah ko liat. Since ko d KL jua masani..! I know you'll love it too. ^_^
And owh, everyone would have known that the baggage limit to bring to UK is around 35 kilos and guess how heavy my luggages are! A big six-zero. Yes, it's true. 60 kilos. =__= My head's been thinking a lot on how to filter the less important stuffs. Everything seems to be significant. Especially outfits, of course. *sigh* But Belle did mentioned that the clothes there are cheap.
"Cheapest being 5 pounds" - Nabilah Husaini.
So, I should really start to believe that. Otherwise, there is a high possibility that I spend most of my allowance on excess baggages. *mudahan tah inda AMIN*
PS : Somewhere deep inside my heart, I am really looking forward to that day. Is it because I will meet him?
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.:15th August:.
Another award ceremony was organized on the 15th. Pics are in FB. Just want to congratulate everyone. It was indeed a relieving thing to watch Bruneian kids thrived so well academically. I guess, we should now be able to smile. No longer questioning who's gonna lead Brunei towards a whole new era in years to come. =')
  On the same exact day, I actually had to wave goodbye to all my colleagues. Not going to explain that in details. I might burst into tears again. ='( Im going to miss everything there. It was undeniably a one-in-a-million experience. Exhausting but yet satisfying. I have never imagined that I'll be able to know so much in such a young age. The commitment that I saw in their eyes when struggling to finish off the workload within the crazy allocated time will definitely be an inspiration for me.     Just FYI, I do have female coworkers. LOL XP I always see people chasing for overtime payment for every single hour which they spent passed their working periods. I always see people ignoring the piles of folders on the desk just because it's tea break time. And I really thought it is the normal working attitude. But GEMS opened my eyes. The guys are still working till 4 am even when no overtime is paid. They are committed to finishing the work so the word delay will never be spoken. Even if that means having their tea infront of the laptop and their hands still busy typing and trying out the system here and there. Having that kind of pure dedication and that level of responsibility just wow-ed me. If just every one of us has that kind of enthusiasm, we, Bruneians, will surely achieve our aims to be as standing high as other nations in no time. I am just so proud to be part of a project which will transform the administrative system of Brunei government in a couple of years from now. Anyway, here's my last day of work email which I sent to everyone. I just feel the need to put it here. Just so I can remind myself of this experience which has significantly better myself, inside and out. =') Hi everyone,
Most of you would have known by now, that my great ride with GEMS ended last Saturday. It is with a heavy heart that I left GEMS and waved goodbye. I would like to take this opportunity to express my deepest gratitude for all the generous support and guidance I have received at GEMS.
I would also like to thank everyone for organising the small party on Friday evening. Seeing so many of you came (and some were even ready with their forks LOL) despite the amount of workload you guys have on your plates, this will be a memory that I will forever treasure.
I am very proud of the eight months I have spent with GEMS, the role I had and all the work I did. Since I joined GEMS, I have experienced nothing but working with a lot of amazing people, meeting great friends along the way and learning new things almost everyday. GEMS will definitely be missed.
Do keep in touch; add me on MSN and/or Facebook! Wishing GEMS to continually be successful and BAG to continually grow further and go on to higher grounds. Keep up the good work. May everyone has the best of luck and till we meet again.
It has been an honour to be part of this great endeavour. =') Love,
Hidayah Khairunnisa Bazilah
Proud GEMS Project Member I can feel the warmth in my eyes now as I am writing. I can even see from a distance the card that they gave to me as a token of remembrance. I shall cherish every little pieces of this memory. GEMS is really priceless. <3
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.:Where's my John Dilinger?:.
Sorry for being so negative in the last post --> bridesmaid scenario. HAHA To tell you the truth, the reason for that negativity was simply the fact I didnt get a lot of photo shoots compared to my other cousins who became the penyambut tetamu instead. I just didnt get the special attention I envisioned I would be getting. LOL XP
Anyway, JOHN DILINGER IS SUPERBLY C-H-A-R-M-I-N-G..!!! As Zareena said, Public Enemies was not really the movie which has the WOW factor but the $5 note I unwillingly gave to Cineplax was definitely worth it. And I was informed that it was actually a true story!! *paused with mouth opened* I wondered if the real John Dilinger is as charming as the character that Mr-Already-Charming Johnny Depp played or whether that's just a result of it being produced as a movie. But I have to admit, a gangster who gives all his heart and soul to the love of his life is just HOT!! So, just a tiny bit of info regarding the last Friday outing. I drove. To Kiulap. *claps* Huge achievement. Despite all the hurdles I had to go through with my mom as she didnt actually approve me of going to the Kiulap Mall (reason being it's a Mall which equals to a lot of people. Now, lots of people means -----> jeng jeng jeng!! H1N1. -_-"), we actually went there and watched Public Enemies..!!!! It was just the five of us. Zar, El, Qidah, Dibah and me. With Erna inside the other theatre watching Harry Porter with the dear sister. I hate to admit but it was my first time going to the Kiulap Mall. I know I know. Ketinggalan. HAHA Oh well, looking at the shops there, I guess, I didnt actually missed a lot. Though I found and bought (yea me!!) a really cute shoes there. We decided to go to Jaya afterwards before going to the now-labelled-by-parents-as-the-most-dangerous-place-to-go-to = The Mall. To my surprise, Elwina seemed to be my potential future shopping buddy. HAHA We did spent a lot. I didnt mind because I've always see shopping as a very healthy therapy for girls. =DDD       To cut story short, it is definitely another day to remember. They were having the UBD orientation today and my briefing would start early in the morning tomorrow. Maybe that was our last outing together before I actually fly off. *sigh* Eyh.. Mana tia mama ani? They are still not home yet from picking up my baju kurung arah the tailor. I wonder where they are. Fitting is a must!! But I want to sleep already. =((( Owh!! I think I heard a car coming in. Bye!
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.:Just Being Me:.
Busy is definitely something I cant deny being in my life dictionary nowadays. Another word which comes with that is definitely hectic. For the last couple of weeks, I am just BUSY with my aunt's marriage. You guys would probably be aware of the fact that the role of a bridesmaid has been honouredly given to me. Fortunate! It's been a dream of mine to be a bridesmaid since I couldnt remember when. I thought it would be fun. I thought it would be special. I thought it would be meaningful. And I've been living with this thought forever. A minute is all it takes to actually wake me up, make me realize that this is not the dreamland and bring me back to the stern reality. Ouch!! I'm happy for them though, dont get me wrong. And big gratitude to my Bungsu as well for actually making that dream comes true.  For those who I have not informed, yes, with Allah's will, I managed to get the DANA scholarship. Alhamdulillah. Part of me was actually dejected when almost all of my close friends, one by one, texted me telling they're the recipients of UBD offers instead. But now, come to think of it, what matters is all of us are in this thing together. Fighting in the midst of all the assignments, all the Uni hardship, just for the sake of self betterment. It doesnt matter where we do it. It doesnt even matter who's beside us. Because I know, all of us are heading the right direction. And no matter who finishes first, we'll be celebrating each other right after that finish line. Salwana has already left to UKM. It was definitely a heart wrenching moment to actually talk to her when the departure door has been widely opened. I was crying. I wouldnt lie. Booooo Elton John, I dont think Sorry is the hardest word. Goodbye is. :'(  My work contract has been extended for another two weeks. It actually provided me with more time to handover all my works to the new staff. More goodbyes to come, I should say. Though I look forward to the upcoming days, I hate looking at the calendars now. When everyone else seems to be marking their departure date with a bloody red marker, I despise the days passing by. It seems like as the calendar changes, it's thieving all the time that I could actually spend with the people I care and love deeply before I actually step into the plane and flew to the strange, unfamiliar, alien land. I guess it was two nights before that I threw myself into my sister's arms. Cuddling her like there is no tomorrow. I dont know what happened but the vision of me waving goodbye at her was playing in my mind. Seemed like it was flashed right before my eyes. I dont think I'm ready to say goodbye now. I dont think I will even be ready to say that cruel word at anytime soon. But I guess, this is part of life. We meet new people everyday. Either we still have the old existing ones, that's a different story. Reason being every person who comes into our lives does for a reason. Some come to learn but others come to teach. And how I just love that fact. There'll be another outing tomorrow. With my beautiful gorgeous psychology girls. We're watching Zareena's Johny Depp (as what she reckons) in his latest film, Public Enemy. I dont know what to expect but spending time with them would invite nothing else but fun and excitement. You can make me bet on that. I love you all. Gosh, that just made me sound really gay. But girls, I do mean that from the bottom of my heart. *bows I just have to say, I am truly blessed to be me. Thank you, Allah.
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.:Masterjib's BIG day:.
It always excites me to hear people tying knots. Simply because we know, it is a tough task having to blend with another person's personality everyday but like it or not, this is what an everlasting marriage demands. Compromise and commitment. So, the thought of two individuals willingly face up this challenge, putting their already-strengthened bonds at stake, trusting and believing that their significant other would not disappoint them, just reminds me of how beautiful life can be.
Few months back, I remembered asking Sir Najib when is he getting married and he actually said "it would be before August." Little that I realised he was serious about it. =S When Sir's invitation to his wedding arrived at my inbox few weeks ago, it almost made me burst into tears of joy. I even started a countdown since then..!
The big day is today. Though some couldnt make it, I believe you were there in spirits.
Zareena arrived at my house around 9 ish before followed by Haziq, Qadri and Qidah. Elwina came not long after that. We were so excited that we came so early. He hadnt even finished dressing up yet. XP However, the moment when we were inside his room, we were so tongue-tied. Imagine, there were three other guys in there including Sir Hadi who just faced us, looking as if they were hearing every single word that we might spilled out. So, it was awkward, I must say. =__=
Owh, I met Cg Safiyyah and Rahimi at the wedding. I'm guessing they are somehow related to Sir Najib. The weird thing is Cg Safiyyah didnt recognize me until I mentioned Salwana's name..! *biggest cry* Sad jua tu..!!
 
 
  I think, we were the only students who followed him till the bride's house and it was definitely worth it. In short, a beautiful wedding. =') There was an indefinable feeling deep inside of me when I saw the newlyweds. Which I hope is not the urge to get married as well. LOL.Labels: Friends, Happiness, Wedding
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.:*edited!* 100th post - Especially for Mikaeel Jackson who has rest in peace..:.
I could still remember my sigh of relief when I heard he had converted to Islam last year. I am truly saddened to read that he has passed away. Despite whatever that has happened to him, I am sure he deserved to be looked up to and be remembered eternally. His music and performance contribution together with his unsurpassed talent will continue to touch souls for million years to come. So long, MJ and thank you.
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.:Crushed:.
I am at the office now. My first time blogging here. Well, it's lunch break so I guess Im still no way near to getting the curi tulang title. HEHE
I cried this morning. Again. All because of driving. Again. The alarm clock was not working, apparently. And I overslept. My mom actually told me that I could drive on my own since she was having a really terrible headache and my dad was not home from work yet. I literally jumped out of the bed and rushed everything. The picture of me behind the wheels all alone was irresistibly inviting. Then, my dad came and reality stroke. Thank God, this happened after Father's day.
It's just so frustrating that it's been almost a month and Im still not allowed to drive on my own. I love my parents. So much that no words in the world can ever describe. When I look around, I know undoubtly that they are the best parents anyone will wish to have.
But then. There's this feeling of eagerness inside of me that keeps urging me to start the engine and drive off. Sometimes, I feel like tearing my driving license apart. I hate seeing that little piece of paper which does me no good.
A friend actually told me that what my parents are doing now are just simply a result of pure love and care. He even mentioned the Chinese proverb which says "to understand parent's love, raise children." And yes, I do agree. I am not blaming either of them. I really dont. It's so scary to vision that on my verge of wanting to drive, I would do stupid things that I will definitely regret.
I just want to drive. Just please... Let me.. *sigh*
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.:It's just hard..:.
I've been thinking about HIM way too much lately.. Why after three years?? Yes, I have never really forgotten about him but now, the feeling's getting stronger and stronger.. Three years, man!! Three years..!! If time cant cure this addict, then, what can?? =( Prince charming turun dari kayangan kali..??? Susah hatiku eh.. Akhir cupids ani bekeraja.. It's 4 months after Valentine's day.. This should not happen now!!! HAHAHAHAHA *fake laugh* =( *sigh*
If you take a look into my eyes, you'll know how deep my feelings are.. How I wish I am your shadow.. Then, we'll never be separated....... ='(
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.:Driving test:.
I passed! I passed! HAHA *dances*
I'm so excited..!! *still dancing*
Okay, gotta go.. Have MOE interview this Tuesday.. So, piles of MIB stuff are waving at me to get back to them..
Do pray for me, guys..!!
=3
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.:L is for the way you look at me:.
Why do some people are so good at bragging? It always annoys me that people can actually talk about their accomplishments non stop!! and during your first time meeting that particular person? Ihhh.... There was actually this guy that I just met two days ago who just could not stop talking about what he is good at. Brunei word = membual. All I can do is just smile and pretend to listen (and believe) his side of story. Just how bloody irritating is that? Thank god, it's only for couple of hours.
I miss my friends.
Had a really long talk with Diyana the other night. About this particular someone. Nowadays, I guess the assumption that males are more prone to be player is an overstatement. Within a short period of time, there are around 3 guy friends whom I known, being dumped, simply because the girl has found the other ONE. Should I recall, Talcott Parsons actually mentioned about the fact that divorce rates are getting higher because women have more expectations from relationships. I just realised how true it is!
I guess, the reason why some girls ada orang ketiga is because they're looking for the X factor. This factor is, however, commonly changing from time to time. Believe me. I myself have not find the X factor. Not even in my ex-s. And I myself dont know what the X factor is..!! HAHA During the first stage of the relationship, I will be feeling as if I am on cloud nine. But as time fades away, I turned out to be bored. And no, boys. We, ladies, do not like to play with hearts. One particular friend actually swore that he would never date again and completely blame the girl who tore his heart apart. But I think, we should look at the other side. If the girl is happy with someone else, why should we force her to be with another person? That is suicidal!
Based on my own experience, when in a relationship, guys tend to cling a lot. Missed call every 30 seconds, call every single night, text messages every single minute. Ugh. I dont know about the others. But when it is too common, it drives me away! This is the mistake that is commonly done, unfortunately. When we are involved with someone, unconciously, we tend to give our whole self to the relationship. Then, when we broke up, we would feel totally lonely and worse, we would feel unhappy with ourselves on top of it. It seems to be an addiction for couples to be codependent to each other. Just learn to give your partner space. That's already a good start.
What I just want to say is that. For the guys, I think you should respect the girl's decision. If you love someone dearly, all you need to do is just make sure she is happy. Regardless if she's with you or not. That is what matters the most, right? For the girls, if you think you are no longer / never interested to be with a guy, just tell him directly (and of course, use psychology!! do not just hantam cakap atu) and do not ever give the wrong hints.
I am no Dr Love though. I just want to ensure that when someone hold your face in their hands and then tell you that they love you, you will not say "for how long?" No, do not lose faith in love just because somewhere along your life path, you've met the wrong person. Just dont. Good things will happen. And it's always when you least expect it. =)
WU ZHUN and LOVE? *melts*
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.:S.T.A.R.T:.
I need to start blogging..!!! HEHE I just went home from KL last night.. A very short trip, I must say.. But hey, it was a good mind + body recharger which I need the most at the moment..
I'll blog some more once I finish teaching later.. HEHE Got class at 4pm.. =(
2 jobs at a time..?? I'm sick of working.. I really do.. But, it's all about money, baby!!
Still....
I miss doing nothing at all.. =(
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.:Yayy!!:.
 Okay, so it was my second time on that particular stage (Third to be precise tapi the first one was for Livewire so, that doesn't count) It was just so overwhelming to be there again. I did feel like "I am on top of the world!" (To those who read last week's Sunday Times, yes, this is the same quote) Receiving that award for the second time is already an achievement. But to actually get second highest mark in the world is just crazy!! and for Sociology?? O_O Insane..!
But then,
 .....it actually happened.... *tears of joy*
However, both Sir Najib and Sir Hadi were nowhere to be seen.. and I heard that they might not receive proper invitation.. That really broke my heart.. ='( I mean, everything would have been perfect if they witnessed it.. Oh well...*sigh*
On the other hand, what made this year's Brilliance Award felt so much better is the fact that Belle is also one of the recipients..!!! =D And you knowlah, when you have Belle by your side, you can never feel lonely.. HEHE Compliment ni Belle... XP    This was pretty much what I was doing once I entered the Hall.. HEHE I just gave the same answers to all three interviewers.. XP  PTEB RULES!!!!
PS : I really love what Adik Hani said in her blog. She even has the video clip of my interview from RTB..!! Click!
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.:I will Survive..:.
Huhu... I already have cobwebs on my blogpage... *dusts* I know I have not been blogging.. Frankly speaking, Im not actually THAT busy and I did want to blog.. Just plain lazy.. My everyday schedule is almost packed now though but I think my mind and my body have started to cope with it already.. The exhaustion is still there but surprisingly, it's manageable.. My very first update will be the news that I got a new Camera..!!!!! and a very nice one too..!!! HEHE Aku suka.. =D Next, work life is slightly different now as the team is now moving on to our next phase of project which is.... *drumroll* training government officers..!!! HAHA It was pretty interesting.. I've pretty much meet more than 100 officials to date.. Made a lot of acquaintances and some important connections too.. Sometimes, I just cant believe I am THIS lucky.. *smiles* Owh last night, Cikgu Liza gave me a call and delivered a GREAT news..!!! And without any further ado, I just texted Sir Hadi and Sir Najib.. *two thumbs up* I hope I made them proud.. Wont be publicizing it here for now.. Since I will only be collecting the letter from PTEM by this Monday.. You know what people say, you can only believe what you've heard when you see it with your own two eyes.. My other new agenda is that, I already started my driving lessons.. And again, to my surprise, my teacher taught me really fast.. I just did my 3rd session yesterday and I already learned how to park..!!! HAHA Hopefully, I'll be able to master all those driving skills within the allocated 10 hours... Sayang kali ah bayar extra.. HEHE I miss my friends so so so so MUCH especially The Rejects lah coz havent been able to chit chat with them since we left school... And and there's a couple of people who have moved on to another year of their life during this month of April.. And some of them are :  MY GORGEOUS BESTFRIEND - NADIE (yes, aku curi gambarmu.. HEHE)  THE COOLEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD
If I only get to choose ten people to live my life with, these two for sure will be in my list.. And on the top ranks too.. Nadie, though we only spent two years together back at PDS.. It was a really significant and unforgettable two years of my life.. You are a great friend...!! and a great independent outspoken girl.. Im sure you'll be one of the special ones who are able to change how the world spins.. Just do your thing, babe..
To mom, yes, you've almost reach 5 decades already.. Though you can sometimes be a tiny wee bit difficult, I'll still love you to bits.. I could still remember my primary years where any The Person I Admire Most composition, it was always you.. And it will always be so.. You're someone we look up to.. A strong woman.. A cheery person.. A supportive loving caring mom.. I may be selfish but I wouldn't want to share you with anyone else.. Thank you for always being there.. Okay, lets just move forward before I turn to my sentimental mode.. Sometime *thinks* last week kali, the Psychology girls went out again.. And this time we headed to PTE Meragang.. Just to take a sneek peek of the new zareena-called-box-alike school (which turned out to be humongous, lawa and very spacious) Basically, we toured the whole school lah.. Met a bunch of old friends.. Explored the gigantic canteen.. which has 5 stalls by the way..!! Macam2 lah.. It really made me envy to be honest.. I mean, if the architects, construction workers, who ever involved, can merely speed up whatever they're doing by just ONE freaking year, I would have been there..!!!!!
  Another BIG news is that my bungsu is getting married.. Like really soon.. And my lifetime dream is going to come true..!!!! I'm going to be her bridemaid..!!!!!!! *jumps* HAHHAHAHAHAHAH No one really knows about this wish of mine.. Tapinya, I've been dreaming day and night to be a bridemaid before I enter the years of being a bride-to-be instead.. And yes.. It comes true..!!!!!!! Sometimes, I am quite scared seeing the number of my wishes becoming reality nowadays.. It's like almost everything I once thought may not happen, actually happened..!!!! It can be pretty scary.. But I guess for now, I'll just buckle up and enjoy the ride....
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.:You're my destiny....:.
It's Sunday..!! That means blogging time..! HAHA Okay, I am excited..!! Just went home from Diyana's.. Had some sort of in-the-house party.. After makan2, we had karaoke for couple of hours and later, watched this horror movie.. Almost everyone was there including Shidah and Ezyan, so, one word : PERFECTO..! =D
The guys at work were asking whether I would go to watch Dragonball the movie.. Since they thought no girls would want to watch it.. And I was like, of course I would..!! HAHA Dalam hati, I continued "if hot guys bawa.." HAHA Well, speaking of hot guy, I had great dream last night.. =P *dont think nonsense!*
For the last three days, I had lunch with the boys.. People were staring though.. Some in the good impressed way.. Some were simply giving me that what-the-heck stare.. I mean, come on.. What's wrong with the sight of a Malay girl in the same table with 10 Filipino, Eurasian and Chinese guys.. HAHA Okay, that didnt turn out the way I wanted.. LOL Siok lah, it wasnt the typical lunch.. Alongside the normal funny jokes and routine topics, we were actually talking about grown-up issues.. like economy, work conditions, retirement.. Well, it widely opened my eyes that I am heading towards that adulthood phase.. I'll be leaving my teenager life by this November.. I wont be having the TEEN word anymore.. I'm probably will be living alone di perantauan without my lovey dovey family.. Actually having to pay my own bills, cook my own food and wash my own baju.. In no time, I'll be graduating.. Earn huge salaries.. Find the One.. Married.. Have kids.. Okay, I have gone too far.. HAHA The point is.. It made me realise everything is going too fast.. More importantly, when it comes to how much I've grown up.. (OWH TIDAAAKK!) Like I said, I really wish that Doraemon (or at least something similar) does exist..! Siapa kan mencipta Doraemon atu..!! You are giving us false hopes.. Do you know that, sir???? HAHA Aku tau aku makin out of the topic now.. So, I might as well just stop right here before I write something *thinks a bit* more ridiculous..
*pauses*
But wait, I still have more to say.. HAHA Yes, this girl sometimes just cant make up her mind.. I know! I know! HAHA I just wanted to say that Senja Lounge punya Souffle is deliciously satisfying..!!! Give it 5 stars.. Nyaman...!! Went there with the Project team last Wednesday.. Something happened that night though.. Im not going in-depth about it.. and please, just dont make any assumption on it.. Whatever you're having in your mind is wrong..! =__=
Uni..!! Im so glad to hear almost all of my friends who applied through UCAS managed to get unconditional offers.. Proud of you guys.. I know we can make it together.. Let's just hope that our unis nanti are close to each other.. At least that would make UK more homey.. HEHE
Owh effy, if you read this, you got mail, girl..! Agatah check..
I'm out..! HAHA ^_^V
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.:Finally N-chanted....:.
Is a picture of a girl as a screen saver means anything? O.O I know I'm being vague here.. But hey, it's not even my intention to make that crystal clear.. HAHA
I just seem to have this problem everytime I blog - how to start and how to name my title.. It's just so disturbing to see that everyone else managed to find a decent way to start off their post while I am here battering my eyelashes, pretending I know how.. =S Feels like something is wrong with me..
Anyhoo, today's one special big day for little sister aka Hani.. This morning, she got awarded as amongst the Top 3 for O'level achievers for the whole SMR.. Pretty cool huh? HAHA But then, what tears my heart apart is the fact that I'm not physically there to witness that special moment.. Tsk tsk.. Why? Why?! But on the positive side *thinks* something pleasantly good happened at the office this morning.. *big smile*
Work is slightly okay for the last couple of weeks.. Busy, as usual.. It's just that I kept on thinking that I have missed out another essential part of my life due to it.. I havent even pick up a camera and vain for like centuries!!! >__<>Answer : work
Where are you at 7.00 am everyday? Answer : work
What are you thinking about now? Answer : work
What will you be doing from 7am to 5 pm tomorrow? Answer : work
See!!!! I know I've been rambling about work so much lately.. But hey, I have been completely bitten by this work bug.. So, you should stop expecting upcoming posts without the work genre.. You'll know the feeling when you start working.. But again, the pay is good, so, any other alternative option is out of the question..
Owh.. Just a gentle reminder to everyone.. Lately, I've been hearing and even witnessing car accidents so often.. And mostly it involved only one car.. SPEED was the main cause, again.. I just cant understand all these people.. Macam even arah corner and time raining pun still mau accelerate..!! Even if you have the least care for yourself but please, do remember those who love you and are waiting for you to be back safe and sound........ Cars are invented to ease our lives, not to end them..
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.:A hello after so long..:.
Feeling : Guilty
Reason : Not blogging
Sorry for the lack of updates, people.. *sad face* Really tied up with zillions stuff lately.. and no exaggeration there.. I think I'm becoming workaholic *pauses* no, that would make my situation seems understated.. *coughs* Let me rephrase.. I think I'm being a work slave..!!! With my salary being increased to triple, there's something within me (which I seriously despise) that pushes to me to do a whole lot more.. =__= The end result is I got flu.. Aggghh.. just dont let me start.. It aint pretty..
Hmm... What else happens to me ah? *scratches head* Oh my..!! My life is dull..!! =< I miss the old me.. I miss my friends..!! Rejects, mana kamu..??? Psycho girls, aku rindu kamu..!!! Bila hang out..??? *cries* Oh yes, I just had my mock driving written test few hours ago.. *throws confetti* Will be sitting for it sometime next week..!! I cant wait to drive..!!! HAHAHA If nothing goes wrong, I shall be a legal driver next month..!! *crosses finger* and when that happens, my checklist for the year 2009 will be almost complete.. HEHE I think I'm one of the lucky ones (or not) who had the chance to navigate a car before starting the practical driving lessons.. But then, I was using automatic cars all this while.. and yes, it doesnt help much.. It got me thinking.. Why dont these people just invent some sort of ONLY AUTO CARS license thing ah..?? I mean, if people dont know how to drive manual cars, obviously they wont drive or even own one.. It's just a simple math.. But then, who am I..?? Tunggu 10 years..!! Nanti ku buat proposal.. HAHA Owh.. Good news always need to come with bad news kan..?? So, here's the bad news.. When I went to the doctor tadi, got the opportunity to weigh myself.. It's definitely not a wise thing to do.. The lost 2 kilos of meat/fat/whatever you call it, just found its way home.. =__= Now, I will have to recreate my will to starve.. With my cousin's wedding coming up, there is just no room for these extra kilos..!! Already forced my dad to buy buckets of apples just now.. They will be my breakfast, lunch, hi-tea and dinner starting tomorrow.. Sad huh? =__=
I need new clothes..!! (read : typical) HAHA When was the last time I bought one ahh..?? Opps..!! HAHA That was just a week ago.. *slaps self* Okay, that was random..
Oh yea..!! Let me just say something REALLY important before I forget... I still remember the first day I joined Business class, the table next to me was empty.. It was only few days after, that I got introduced to this very friendly, loud, talkative girl.. =P
 Yes, it is you..!! (like duh~~ HAHA) Instantly, I could sense this connection between us.. From then onwards, giggles could always be heard from that second row when everyone else was committed to listening to the lecture.. It felt like yesterday when we would sit at the balcony waiting for that knight in pink shirt to pass by.. Even when I have not seen you for ages now, I am still very thankful that I am given the chance to share a phase of this life of mine with such a big-hearted friend like you.. I will never forget everything you have done for me.. To be precise, when you willingly left the guy we both like and goes to the arms of Dien.. HAHA Happy belated birthday.. Have another blast and brilliant year ahead.. See you around soon, honey.. ^_^ hmmm... what's next?
make updates. check.
rant about work. double check.
write about written test. check.
note for wamee. check.
Owh, if you notice, I've been changing my blogskins quite frequent lately.. *giggles* Just have so much problems settling down with one... This current one is done by my sis aka Hani aka Syubie's other half aka okay, i'm being lame.. HAHA I think I'll stick to this one for now.. Since ramai orang puji jua.. HEHE
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I'm tired, funsick and I want my friends. Titik.
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